Out of high school I'm glad to be

As I type this I am sitting in my mothers classroom waiting for her 6th hour to finish so that I can take her home by 3:00 to be home when Chase and Isaac get home, so I can have the car and the freedom to hang out with Kat wherever we want.
Kat is my best friend of the moment. We met over Thanksgiving because she is a mutual friend, she is Jeremy's friend. We became close over facebook as we each helped the other out with their assorted troubles and drama.
I'm not sure what we will do but we have been planning on hanging out when I got home for weeks and weeks.

I haven't shared this with many people, but this is my blog so I can say what I want.
I was reading a friends blog the other day and something hit home. My friend eats her trouble away. This is something I can relate to whole heartedly.
When I am stressed I eat. When I am upset I eat. When I am depressed I eat. But eating would not be a problem if I ate, say veggies or PB or even full on steaks... my poison of choice is ice cream. A lot of it. When I have had a really bad day not only do I grab a pint of Ben & Jerry's but a tube of cookie dough.
Then I eat all of it.

When I'm eating this I know that it won't make anything better. I know that ice cream will solve nothing. I know that eating this much ice cream and chocolate and cookie dough this late at night is not good for me...
Here is a typical bad day in the life of Aubrey.
Stress of school, money, room mates, friend drama... By the time around 6:00pm comes around I am whole heartedly depressed.
I have no power over the things that are causing me stress. I can't make school go by faster. I can't make clients be nicer. I can't make the teachers any better at teaching. I have no power over how many dishes my room mates leave in the sink. I have no power over how loud they watch the TV. I can't change the things around me. I am incapable of doing anything...
But I can control what I eat, I have the power to choose. Eating is the only thing I can find to DO. I know that it doesn't fix anything, but I tell myself, at least I'm doing something.

Now, if you are one of those people who just say; "Eat something different." or "Things will only bother you if you let them." or "Life happens, everyone has stress" Then I suggest that you stop reading my blog and go read up on depression. Not sadness; gloom; dejection. But rather clinical depression meaning "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason"
Unexplainable feelings of worthlessness. Crying over something small like not being able to find a spoon for your cereal. inefficient Wanting nothing more than to sleep all day, dream your cares away. Helplessness, inefficient, powerless, abandoned, hopelessness.

When I feel this way I have strange cravings for ice cream, candy, chocolate, cookie dough. Things I know are bad for me. I think that somewhere in the back of my mind I am trying to compensate my actions to how I feel? I feel horrible emotionally, for no reason, so I eat pints of ice cream so I feel guilty a tangible emotion with a reasonable explanation. Also, I feel horrible emotionally, but after I eat all this I feel horribly physically as well.
My stomach aches caused by ice cream at 9:00pm is a physical pain not only with an discernible reason but something you can understand. I say "I'm depressed and hopeless" and stupid people say, "Then just choose to be happy" but they don't understand that doing this is not in my power. But when I say "I have a horrible stomach ache which kept me up all night" Even the stupid people can relate. Everyone has had a stomach ache before. I bet everyone has even eaten ice cream late at night and felt the consequences the next day.



I'm not sure what the point of this post was.... maybe I'm just thinking out loud (thinking on line... TOL?)

Awe well, the class is near over now, I am off and away

A room with a view

I am home, in Richland…

As I write this it is 5:30am. I went to bed around midnight and took 3 melatonin pills, which on a typical night will give me a good seven hours, but not tonight. *sigh*
As it is so early in the morning I doubt that this particular post will have a very cohesive theme or even possibly make sense at all, I’m mostly writing it to pass the time until I become tired enough to sleep again.

You know the stereotypical thing that parents do to their children’s room once they go off to college, turn it into an exercise room, a ping pong room, a room to store their shoes (the latter would most likely be my dad, lqtm) Well, it seems that my parents love me a bit more than the stereotypical parent loves their children.
My room is not only still my room; everything I left in the room when I packed in a hurry is still here. The room is the same from sentimental memorabilia saved from high school plays to stacks of empty CD cases left over from the switch to MP3s. Of course the room was used, as my dads nap room but once I came home it was restored to “Aubrey’s Room”

Have you ever thought about a word so long that you start to think that it couldn’t possibly be an actual word? It starts to sound funny; the spelling begins to look truly ridiculous. Think about the word “room”. Room, room, rOom, roOM, room… It’s like Vroom, or Rome. What kind of word is room? There are no hard vowels. In a fight with another word “room” would be pummeled. It sounds as if it were asleep, somnolent and lazy.
In this corner, weighing in a four letters, two vowels and two consonants, we have “ROOM!” A noun meaning; an area within a building enclosed by walls and floor and ceiling. In the other corner, a light weigh with only three letters in all, Ack! Onomatopoeia, the sound one might make when frightened. *Ding Ding*
First round, they both enter the ring, Ack full of energy, looks like he’s ready for a serious fight, fists up and jumping side to side. Room, almost lethargic, arms swinging down as if his gloves were too heavy… is this guy serious? He’ll never make it out alive like that! Ack goes in for the fight, AND with one swift blow “Ack”.
And it’s over folks, room is out cold, he won’t be waking up anytime soon.
Ack, kaki, gastric, skip, palpitate, bombard, center, destitute, extradite, frantic, igloo, jab, lunge, mattress, obliterate, pummel, pounce, quit, restitution, recite, titan, tattle, underpants, vegetarianism, whip, yeast, yesterday, yodel, Zanzibar.
Room is no match for any of these words. In fact I bet that the great majority of words with the letters K, T, B, P or D would destroy "room"

Room, Room, Room, room, room, room

Room.
Room Room
Room Room Room
Room Room Room Room Room
Room Room Room Room Room Room

Word of the day: Epic

Today (well, the last time the sun way out is was) Friday, the day before I leave...

I greatly dislike Provo, as any reader of my blog knows I would rather grate my face with a rusty cheese grater than live in this city any longer. I'm not a fan of Utah in general... My reasons have been thoroughly expressed in earlier posts so I will go on with the rest of the blog.......

Before I leave for the airport tomorrow I have to pack my few things that are left into 2 suitcases, one carry-on and one personal item. And I have to do apartment check-out, meaning clean my side of the bedroom and the upstairs bathroom to a "no one lives here" state

I have known about these things for a few days... and have found more than a few reasons to put them off.
Today I spent an epic day with David Jon Banks. 13 hours to be precise. We went to BYU Campus and took pictures of each other sleeping with a pillow in awkward places like on top of the newspaper boxes, upside-down on stair railings, in the middle of a common area as people walked by. Then we went to a wrap-party of a film he worked on, then to his apartment where we talked with his room mates and watched David play a video game (I have always loved watching people play!) Talked some more and watched some Family Guy.
It was 3:00am by the time I got home.

Then and only then did I realize the real reason I have been putting off the packing and the cleaning, besides my usual procrastinator ways.... I don't want to leave.
I mean, I want to leave I would kill something or someone if I had to live in Provo much longer.... but I guess I'm not good with change. I have only moved twice in my life that I remember, once with my family to Washington. A big change but it was a change we all took together. Then from Washington to Provo last September, this was also a big change but I knew what I was moving to, I knew why I was there and what to expect for the next 15 months...
I am moving, not only out of Provo (for which I am truly thankful) but I am moving on to a new chapter in my life.
I'm no longer in school.
I'm no longer a student.
I don't know what is coming next.
Because I got into Beacon life could literally take me anywhere.

I don't want to leave the wonderful people that I have met here. Granted the vast majority of the people I have come into contact with while living here are not people that I want to keep hold of in life. However there are a select few whom I have grown to love dearly. Individuals who have helped sculpt me into the person I am today. Life changing friends.
And though now a days with things like Facebook and texting it is easier to stay in touch, it is virtually impossible to remain friends with someone on the same level when distance is added. When situations and venues change. When your separate lives morph and change you into who you will become, without your once loved.


I don't like change. I don't want to leave the ones I've grown to love.
And I'm afraid to go home.

When I get back to Richland there will be a little bit of a Rip Van Winkle complex. It will not be the Richland that I once knew. Buildings will have gone up and down, businesses will have opened and closed and moved and grown.
The people that I knew will have changed as well. Most of my friends my age will not be home for summer for two months at least, if they come home at all.
And my friends who are still in high school will be in school until then as well.
I am a very different person now than who I was almost two years ago. I know that the me know and the me then would not have gotten along very well....... and I don't know how the me know will get along with people from my past. I don't know if I will be comfortable being myself as I am now, or if I will feel the need to act more like the way I once was.

And on top of all of that, I shudder to think of the inevitable day that Jeremy and I meet again. It will be awkward and it will be painful and it will be #&$@

Nothing much has happened since my last post...

So I'll just humor you with a few of my favorite quotes! Quotes from life, from movies, from books, from plays from songs and from great people.




Death was nonplussed. It was like asking a brick wall what it thought of dentistry. As a question, it made no sense.

--Death, upon being asked about marriage (Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time)


Eight hundred years had taught Lu-Tze that what happens, stays happened . . . . . you couldn’t make it unhappen.
-- (Terry Pratchett, the thief if time)


"You ought to be thankful, a whole heaping lot, for the places and people you're lucky you're not."
-Dr. Sesuss

"…a tweetle beetle noodle poodle bottled paddled muddled duddled fuddled wuddled fox in socks, sir!"
-Dr. Seuss

:Some people are much more oh, ever so much more oh, muchly much-much more unlucky than you"
-Dr. Seuss

Some Shakespearean insults:
*Thine horrid image doth unfix my hair
*If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases
*O teach me how I should forget to think

"I miss you like the sun misses the flowers, like the sun misses the flowers in the depths of winter, instead of beauty to direct it's light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world which your absence has banished me to."
-- William in "A Knight's Tale"

"I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the only one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you're the one who makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other for those were some of the best memorable times of my life."
-- Author Unknown

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells . . . to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”
-Dave Barry

"Mustard is gross, it's like the devils urine" -Ariel

"You're talking too loud for me to smell" -Carolyn

"What is Tagalog, is it like Chinese" -Ariel

"Love stretches your heart and makes you big inside." - Margaret Walker

"Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed."
-G.K. Chesterton

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -David Bowie

"Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach phys ed" -My Father

"Adam fell that man might be. Man art that they may have joy"

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."
-Jaques in William Shakespeare's As You Like It

"I was mocking you by the way" -Me
"You know what? Aubrey!? I hope you have ugly children!!!" -Ariel

"Octopuses don't have eight legs, they have eight ARMS!" -Ashley

"Are you even sure all those babies have heads?" -Dallin (room mates friend)

"So, do you think that a bajillion would be bigger or smaller than a googol?" -LaFawndah

"Jeans, jeans the magical pants. The more you wear ...the more you . . . . dance?"

Alfred- Why Bats, sir?
Bruce Wayne- Bats frighten me, it's time my enemies share my dread
-Batman Begins

"And today all the Hawtchers who live in Hawtch-Hawtch
are watching on Watch-Watcher-Watchering-Watch,
Watch-Watching the Watcher who's watching that bee.
You're not a Hawtch-Watcher. You're lucky, you see!
That's why I say, "Duckie!
Don't grumble! Don't stew!
Some critters are much-much,
oh, ever so much-much,
so muchly much-much more unlucky than you!"
-Dr. Seuss

"Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night." -Lucius Hunt, The Village

Neville: [to a pretty mannequin in the video store] I... I promised a friend I would say hello to you today...[begins to cry]... Please say hello to me...[sobs]...Please say hello to me.

Oh, for a muse of fire that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention!
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act,
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!
-Prolouge to Henry V

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
--Terry Pratchett

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you"
-Wicked

"Christian, you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. But I know about art and love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being." -Moulin Rouge

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. -Dead Poets Society

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); -Hitch-Hikers Guide

Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood
-Kenny Loggins Return to Pooh Corner

"I'd rather grate my face with a cheese grater" -My Father

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life" -Mr. Leggett ever time he opens class

"You have a mustach!" -Aubrey
"No I don't, it's just hair!" -Isaac

"I don't like dying, it hurts" -Chase

" 'snot working, 'snot working" -Isaac when he tried to put pants on as a shirt at the age of 2

"KD, why did you bring that blanket to school!?" -Kelsy
"It's like holding hands with someone, you just don't want to let go"-KD

"I bit a kid, almost got kicked out of preschool"

"Don't you want, just one time in your life to wear Depends, JUST FOR FUN!?!" -Ashley

"NEVER say no to lip gloss!" -Grace

"You can't risk what you don't have, and you cant have have what you don't risk for" -sign in hall way made by ASB at Hanford

"I think you probably would rather not die than get an A on a test . . . . I bet you spend more of your time trying not to die than... other things" -McKay while teaching a lesson @ church

"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children." -Excerpt from some church bulletin

"Send Aubrey to feed the pig, Ramsel." -side note on one of my fathers papers

"hawtche-paatchkey"

Letter to a Friend

I haven't written in a while, sorry about that! I am just so tired after pulling such long hours for weeks at a time at school... but I'm done now, all I've done since then is sleep.


I have finished my school hours! I am DONE with Paul Mitchell The School! Now there is only time standing between me and my License!!!!

Oh man, I took my practical exam a few weeks ago and let me tell you, the most stressful thing I have EVER DONE! It tops everything stressful about high school theatre that we did. Worse than performing when you don't know your lines, worse than being caught on stage when someone misses their cue, worse than being stage manager when backstage the only person who knows how to move some scenery sprains their ankle and you have to find/train someone else before the current scene is finished! (All of which happened to me)
The test wasn't all that technically difficult per say, it was just stressful as all get out! I know how to do hair, I know how to handle and curling iron, roll a perm, hold my scissors, apply color. But everything changes when there is someone there watching you, judging and scoring you.
The most important part of the exam was sanitation and safety. The State doesn't care much if you are a GOOD hair stylist as long as you aren't going to injure anyone or give them some sort of horrible sickness. Every time I thought about it I used hand sanitizer, between every section of the test, whenever I touched anything on my person, any time I dropped ANYTHING (which I did a lot) My hands were so dry by the end of that you wouldn't believe.
I was prepared for the technical side of the exam because my school has a mini class in which you spend a week doing nothing but going over exactly what is on the exam. It consists of; Set Up, curling w/ a curling iron (which they don't have you plug in, just go through the motions of using!) hair cutting, perming, color application, chemical relaxer application, barbering (as in the shaving of the face... the cosmetology and barbering license are now combined) and male hair cutting using clippers w/o a guard and scissors. Each section is timed and the examiners read a script saying nothing but what is written in their book. The test is taken in a big room with four tables, white walls, white ceilings, white floors and no personality. Six candidates take the test at a time with 1-3 examiners.
I took it with three of my peers and two girls from other schools. Seeing these other girls take the test was another testament to me of how PMtS is better than many other of the 100s of schools in Utah.
After the test was completed we were instructed to clean up our things and wait in the room next door, which was a smaller room with six chairs, also completely white. We sat and waited for our results. I was not nervous about the results at all, I was fairly confident that I had passed. Everyone else seemed much less so. There was one girl, not from Paul Mitchell who was sure that she had failed the test. I honestly would not have been surprised if she failed miserably... some of the things she did were ridiculous, and the examiners paid the most attention to her.
It turns out that all of us passed, thank the heavens and sky's above. I think that if I had for any reason not passed I would have not only have been devastated, but I would have questioned my very worth as a hair stylist and wondered if this is really what I want and am meant to be doing with my life... but I passed. And I know that though this may not be the path God chose directly for me, he supports it 100%
Yesterday my dad was in town and he took 90% of my things back to Richland with him. I will be living out of a suit case for the next two weeks. On the 18th of April I have a plane ticket back home to the town I love! I never knew how much I love the tri-cities until I left (and let's be honest, practically anywhere is better than Provo) The smell of the river, the amazing pale almost sea foamy green of the few plants that grow naturally there. The lack of snow. The diversity of religion which insures everyone has an open mind.
One thing I hate about Provo the most is how because there are so many Mormons in the same place they begin to judge outsiders very harshly. There are many self-righteous people who are hyper-judgmental and view everything that isn't to a T on the straight and narrow (or what they believe to be) as evil. Anyone who drinks caffeine is practically apostate, even though there is no church doctrine condemning the consumption of it.

I went on a date for the first time in... almost two years. Wow, I didn't realize it had been that long! A guy in my ward, Ian, asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him that he should take me on a date.
We went to TGI Fridays and I had ribs, I love ribs. Really I love meat in general but don't eat it often because it is expensive, doesn't keep well (and by well I mean it won't survive a nuclear blast like ramen and mac 'n cheese) and it takes time to prepare, time I don't have (or didn't when I had school)
Then we went mini golfing. The last time I went mini golfing was with my grandma and grandpa Mann, over 10 years ago, probably over 15 years ago. Ian is very competitive and is good at golf (the reason he chose golf, because he knew he could win, lol) I only lost by about 15 points. Lol

Today I took my state board written test, and passed with an 87% It turned out to be much easier than I thought. I am always surprised when I find out how much I actually know... it seems that $14,000 and fiveteen months of school actually taught me something