I greatly dislike Provo, as any reader of my blog knows I would rather grate my face with a rusty cheese grater than live in this city any longer. I'm not a fan of Utah in general... My reasons have been thoroughly expressed in earlier posts so I will go on with the rest of the blog.......
Before I leave for the airport tomorrow I have to pack my few things that are left into 2 suitcases, one carry-on and one personal item. And I have to do apartment check-out, meaning clean my side of the bedroom and the upstairs bathroom to a "no one lives here" state
I have known about these things for a few days... and have found more than a few reasons to put them off.
Today I spent an epic day with David Jon Banks. 13 hours to be precise. We went to BYU Campus and took pictures of each other sleeping with a pillow in awkward places like on top of the newspaper boxes, upside-down on stair railings, in the middle of a common area as people walked by. Then we went to a wrap-party of a film he worked on, then to his apartment where we talked with his room mates and watched David play a video game (I have always loved watching people play!) Talked some more and watched some Family Guy.
It was 3:00am by the time I got home.
Then and only then did I realize the real reason I have been putting off the packing and the cleaning, besides my usual procrastinator ways.... I don't want to leave.
I mean, I want to leave I would kill something or someone if I had to live in Provo much longer.... but I guess I'm not good with change. I have only moved twice in my life that I remember, once with my family to Washington. A big change but it was a change we all took together. Then from Washington to Provo last September, this was also a big change but I knew what I was moving to, I knew why I was there and what to expect for the next 15 months...
I am moving, not only out of Provo (for which I am truly thankful) but I am moving on to a new chapter in my life.
I'm no longer in school.
I'm no longer a student.
I don't know what is coming next.
Because I got into Beacon life could literally take me anywhere.
I don't want to leave the wonderful people that I have met here. Granted the vast majority of the people I have come into contact with while living here are not people that I want to keep hold of in life. However there are a select few whom I have grown to love dearly. Individuals who have helped sculpt me into the person I am today. Life changing friends.
And though now a days with things like Facebook and texting it is easier to stay in touch, it is virtually impossible to remain friends with someone on the same level when distance is added. When situations and venues change. When your separate lives morph and change you into who you will become, without your once loved.
I don't like change. I don't want to leave the ones I've grown to love.
And I'm afraid to go home.
When I get back to Richland there will be a little bit of a Rip Van Winkle complex. It will not be the Richland that I once knew. Buildings will have gone up and down, businesses will have opened and closed and moved and grown.
The people that I knew will have changed as well. Most of my friends my age will not be home for summer for two months at least, if they come home at all.
And my friends who are still in high school will be in school until then as well.
I am a very different person now than who I was almost two years ago. I know that the me know and the me then would not have gotten along very well....... and I don't know how the me know will get along with people from my past. I don't know if I will be comfortable being myself as I am now, or if I will feel the need to act more like the way I once was.
And on top of all of that, I shudder to think of the inevitable day that Jeremy and I meet again. It will be awkward and it will be painful and it will be #&$@
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